Originally published in Thrive Global 2 March 2020 https://thriveglobal.com/stories/the-beatles-said-it-best-i-get-by-with-a-little-help-from-my-friends/
Celebrating the amazing women in your life
A little thing called Trust
International Women’s Day is just around the corner, so I’ve been thinking about the women in my life and, I was sitting at my desk when the song “I get by with a little help from my friends” just popped into my head. It ‘s one of the Beatles more enduring and controversial songs with plenty of debate around its meaning…
We all need women in our corner.
We all need support.
It feels good when we can return the favour and support other women in our tribe. I got to thinking: Who do you trust and how do you know you can trust them? Who do you rely on when things get tough and who can you call on when the chips are down?
Be willing to reach out
I found myself “stuck” today and in need of “a hand”. Conversations inside of your head do not sound the same as when you speak them out and give them a voice. We all need to be heard, we need to externalise our thoughts; it’s a very human need. The structure of our heads also has something to do with our need to vocalise what’s going on for us. A little thing called bone conduction relates to how we hear ourselves… Sound doesn’t travel through bone as well as it does through the air and the conversations we have with ourselves, and yes, we all have them, occur differently once voiced. So, it’s never a good idea to “live inside your head”. It can get very noisy in there.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
What makes a difference is to reach out, which takes being vulnerable and yet, that is the only way we can be heard. I needed a little help from my friends so I called four women in quick succession and did not stop until I got what I needed. The fourth answered God bless her soul, and I got what I needed to free myself up. Here is what’s interesting though. In the meantime whilst I was on the phone to the lucky fourth person who responded in my moment of need, the other three called back!
I thought “How lucky am I! How did this happen?” Short answer. I created it a support structure. The longer answer is below.
A support network is crucial!
I’ve taken the time to build a group of supportive people around me and I give as good as I get! These people know who I am. There is no pretence, no judgement and a high level of trust is present; I have their back and I know they have mine. I’ve worked in organizations that espoused trust is something you just “give” like it is something that is automatic. I didn’t agree with that view then. And I certainly don’t agree with it now! Even though human beings have evolved to be a highly trusting bunch, it just doesn’t make sense to me to be overly trusting. I love my son dearly, and there are definitely things I would not trust him with. He hasn’t demonstrated that he can be trusted such things as getting all of his homework done without being asked. As he demonstrates trustworthiness, it makes sense to en-trust him with more. Likewise, I am very clear about who I can trust with what.
Trust has levels to it
We all have people in our life “like that”! People that we know we can trust and count on… Don’t we? I can put my hand on my heart and say there is NO ONE in my life that I do not wish to have in it. I only have people in my life I cherish and have a deep mutual respect for. One of my favourite movies of all time is “The torch song trilogy” Here’s a quote from that movie:
There is nothing I need from anyone except for love and respect.
And anyone who can’t give me those two things has no place in my life.
So “getting by with a little help from my friends” has a lot to do with “who those friends are”. They are amazing women. We can’t choose our family but we can choose our tribe. Friends who take You as You are, and for whom You are means you can just BE and that is one of life’s greatest gifts.
Given International Women’s Day is just around the corner. It’s time to celebrate the amazing women in your life.