What do kit set furniture and teenagers have in common? You have to keep all the pieces together or they’ll never be what they could have been! A wise friend once advised me all teenagers go to pieces; our job, as parents, is to keep those pieces in the same vicinity as one another so nothing is missing when they eventually pull themselves together. I have just finished constructing some kitset furniture with my 16 year old stepson and I sincerely hope we don’t have as many spare parts when he goes together as we have with this book shelf. We have an entire bag of spare screws! One can forgive a young adult for having the odd loose screw but missing an entire bag???
Kitsets and Kids
How responsible are we for our children? Is it really our fault or to our credit as to how they turn out as adults? The person who provided the sage advice above has 3 boys all in their thirty’s. Two are doing great and the third has a drug problem. Same Mum, same Dad, stable loving family that went on holidays together. Mum and Dad were involved with the boy’s extracurricular activities but one son still isn’t fully functioning as an adult. Is it their fault? I have four normal children, 3 girls and a boy. My son started life as a daughter, did we do anything differently?
No, he is who he is. It took him a long time to figure it and us a bit longer but it doesn’t make him any less normal than the rest of the clan. As I write this blog, we in Australia are heading to an unnecessary and unwanted postal survey asking us to pass judgment on whether LBGTQ Australians should have the same set of rights as heterosexual Australians. If you are on the electoral roll you are being asked whether my son should have the same rights as his sisters? What do you think? Andreia stands firmly in the YES camp.
To whom should go the credit?
Should my friend be held responsible for her son’s drug addiction, am I responsible for my son’s gender dystopia? Is he? According to the Harvard Longitudinal Study a good childhood is a predictor of a good old age. However, a poor childhood is not a predictor of a poor old age, nor is a good childhood a predictor for eternal happiness throughout your life the writer is a case in point! First “Our Children” are not “our” children. “Our” infers they belong to us and they don’t, they are their own entities. Trust me on this they are independent human spirits who are temporarily in your care as they grow to adulthood and do their own thing.
Personally, I believe they choose us rather than the other way around. We are there to love them, care for and feed them, guide them teach them and sometime even give their bodies life and then we must let them fly. That’s it! What becomes of them is really none of our concern. I look at my Grandson and I know I would do anything for him, anything. And here’s the truth I cannot do for him what he must do for himself, nor can I protect him from a world he must live in.
What we can do is prepare our youngsters for the world. To understand whatever they want is within their means and ability. If you can imagine it you can achieve it. Nothing, absolutely nothing exists in this world today that did not exist in someone’s imagination first. When you think about it 60% of what we “see” is provided by our visual cortex or in other words it is what we expect to see. Is that what imagination is? Is that how we create? First, we create the image in our minds then we create it in our world. Indeed, it is.
You have to be taught carefully
It is vital children grow up knowing how they think will determine the results they achieve. Your thoughts determine your language and the words you use become the house you live in. This is your responsibility, as a parent you need to be very careful about the language you use around your children. Remember your actions speak louder than your words. In the words of a song from the old musical South Pacific, “You’ve got to be carefully taught”. Whatever it is you want to teach your children you have to do it carefully. If you want them to grow up racist you must teach them racism. If you want them to reflect kindness and love then you must reflect kindness and love.
The bible says “by their fruits you shall know them”. The young people you influence will be a reflection of who you are but they will not be you. If you have done your job “carefully” they will take responsibility for their own outcome and of their own volition follow your example; whatever that might be. To help you start changing your perspective and strengthen your flexible thinking just click on the link below and enjoy our mini master class in Living Consciously with our compliments.