In my last blog I went hard on the difference between a want and a need. A need is something the lack of which would result in death or injury to you or your loved ones…everything else is a want. I went on, be careful you don’t load yourself up working like a slave, and put yourself under pressure to obtain things you don’t really need. Even if and when you have them they wont make you happy. Wise words…I even scored some likes!
Happiness is an illusive butterfly. Even following my own advice I have been under pressure lately. There is a lot going on with launching Andreia and dealing with life in general, bills, kids, parents the list goes on. A Psychologist once told me if anyone is offering take away all of life’s stresses run, he intends to kill you. Being alive produces stress. So what is stress and is it the same as pressures and are the pressures of life stressful?
Pressure Versus Stress…
Pressure can be defined as “Harassment; oppression; the pressures of life” according to Dictionary.com and Stress in physiological terms is “a specific response by the body to a stimulus, as fear or pain, that disturbs or interferes with normal physiological equilibrium of an organism”. In short, Pressure is what happens, Stress is the outcome. One response is to do as I have suggested make sure you’re not taking on unnecessary pressure. Once you’ve ticked that box what’s next? Well Tanja’s blog was a great next step “Get by with a little help from your friends”.
We guys are altogether too proud! Really we think we need to be Supermen and to ask for help well that’s just not manly! Wusses can’t cope, real men harden up and get on with what has to be done. Shamefully, in the society we live in men do not feel they are allowed to “not cope”. Yet hundreds of us can’t. 2146 men took their own lives in 2014, this compares with 577 women! Having said that women are more likely to receive care for self harm so may be its not that men try suicide more often its that we are better at getting the job done! My point is campaigns like RUOK matter AND lets talk about other coping strategies because 7.8 Australians killing themselves every day IS NOT OK!
The pressures I face have created stress in my physiology which manifests itself in feelings of overwhelm and inadequacy. Both of which I can justify easily by pointing out just how big the problems are and how powerless I am to deal with them. AND that’s a STORY. It’s a story that I’ve been telling myself. To change my story I needed to change my perspective here’s how I did that. I took up Tanja’s advice and I reached out to my friend who reminded me of who I really am and what I know. What I know is how I see things and feel about those things is a product of the labels my brain attributes to those events. Then there are the emotions that are attached to those labels.
My Tardis Moment
Wake Up Call!! I was time travelling bringing my past into today and then adding icing to the stress cake by projecting the future based on those beliefs. Damn time travel! Long story short I know when I learned about being out of control and recognise when I have allowed this pattern to repeat itself in my life. Still, I didn’t see it when I was happening. I needed a friend to remind me and once I saw what I was doing. I was able to step back and tell myself “whoa mate that isn’t what’s happening here UNLESS YOU MAKE IT SO! Stop Now! Take control, rationalize the feelings and leave the past in the past where it belongs”.
Seeing what was really in front of me gave me 100% of me back and surprise, surprise the stress relented. I was able to bring all of me to the job at hand and the pressure doesn’t seem to be so bad anymore.
Reality check! Most humans I know make mistakes and at least occasionally mis-read situations. We make misguided decisions, feel stressed and are unable to cope. This is why we need our friends. It is why we need to talk to our friends and loved ones so as they know who we really are and can throw light into those dark times guiding us safely through them.
Help is but a phone call away.